So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize