i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
