we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
