I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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