not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
