I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize