I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
