I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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