All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize