I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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