im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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