Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
