my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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