did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
