yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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