Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
