I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize