Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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