Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
home. puking in laundry basket.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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