So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This show inspires me to have sex in space
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
