Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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