you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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