this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
