..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
