He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
