I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
