Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
