i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
