Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Found the puke drawer
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
