she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize