If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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