y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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