I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
