what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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