now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
