I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize