In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
