I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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