Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
