My first STD was from a foam party
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
