so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
