Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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