I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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