come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
