More tranny stories later!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
