ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
