Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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