It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
