I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
