I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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