just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
