why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
how drunk are you?
Several
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
