im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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