Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
