What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
