i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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