hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
