Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
