Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
please come you make the beer taste better
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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