I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
