I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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