that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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