Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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