sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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