and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
