4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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