they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
