You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is Oprah even human
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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