I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
